Neither web design nor writing is the healthiest of occupations. Both require a good bit of sitting. Long stretches of physical inactivity are difficult to avoid.
I always told myself I’d make time to get active…someday. I kept putting it off because there’s always a project to be done. Days turn into weeks, months, and years.
The impetus to get moving changed in early 2013 when I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes – an autoimmune disease. Left untreated, one’s blood sugar could go dangerously high. But even with insulin treatment, one might suffer from dangerously low sugars as well.
In short: Living with diabetes means trying to achieve balance. You never want to get too high or low.
It sounds great in theory. The problem is that there is no such thing as a perfect balance. Not without a ton of expensive medical equipment, at least.
The reality is that everything related to diabetes management is either too much or not enough:
- I ate too many carbs. My blood sugar is too high.
- I didn’t take enough insulin. My blood sugar is too high.
- I ate too little. My blood sugar is too low.
- I exercised too much. My blood sugar is too low.
- I’ve done everything the same for the past month. My blood sugar is still too high/low.
You try to establish a routine that works for your body. You eat the same things at the same times. You exercise the same amount. You avoid things that lead to poor results.
The routines are temporary, however. I’ve noticed they can become seasonal. The summer allows me to eat a little more. The winter forces me to increase my insulin and eat less. Some days produce results that don’t have a clear explanation.
Humor me, but diabetes puts a lot on my plate.
The Mental and Physical Toll
There are mental and physical effects of diabetes. The physical can be debilitating – especially when your blood sugar is low. I can’t think straight or hold a conversation. My body gets shaky and sweaty. The urge to eat is overwhelming – leading to the inevitable high sugar.
Bad as that is, I believe the mental effects are worse. Diabetes is a chronic disease that refuses to rest – even for a second. It’s always on my mind.
I also wear a Dexcom device to help monitor my sugars. It’s a wonderful invention and has helped me improve my numbers. It’s also a double-edged sword.
Every time I look at my phone (that’s a lot these days) I see my blood sugar. It’s a constant reminder that my body doesn’t work properly. The reading represents what I’ve done too much or not enough of.
It’s a 24/7 battle. I leave my phone on all night in case the Dexcom needs to warn me about low sugar. Again, that’s very helpful. But it also means keeping an ear open all night for that damned alarm.
Much of my frustration also revolves around food. I can’t eat what I want to. I watch other people eat cake and ice cream at family get-togethers. I crave the junk food I used to love.
The disease can kick your ass in multiple ways. But the mental aspect hurts the most.
Adding Movement to the Day
Movement is one of the best weapons we have in diabetes management. Exercising helps reduce insulin resistance – making the drug more effective. I’ve made it a point to get out of my chair more often.
That’s necessary, as the sedentary lifestyle of a remote freelancer is problematic. Sitting at a desk for hours on end does nothing to keep the worst of diabetes at bay.
Exercising after work was no problem. Finding time during the day was more of a challenge. Work days are busy and leaving for a gym didn’t seem realistic. So, I found a nice compromise.
I live in a two-story home with steps. Hustling up and down the stairs for 5-10 minutes a few times daily is great exercise. You can work up a serious sweat on a warm day. It gets your heart pumping and helps insulin do its job.
Maybe it doesn’t sound like a major change. But it has made a positive impact on my health. I can see it in the stats provided by my Dexcom.
Movement works and is one of the few aspects of the situation I can control. It’s something to hang onto when everything else feels out of my reach.
Searching for Acceptance
I know that I can’t change my diagnosis. Type 1 diabetes is something I have to live with. I’ve had to adapt my life to its narrow parameters.
Accepting it without frustration is another matter. There’s a constant fatigue in this battle. And the world just wasn’t made for people with a chronic disease. The restaurant industry is a shining example (try to find something that isn’t loaded with carbs).
That’s not to say I’m not thankful. I’m glad I have access to insulin and a Dexcom. I’m grateful for not having an even worse illness. I know people are suffering greatly.
Still, it’s hard for me to feel cheerful when things aren’t going well. I’m tired and want to go back to the way things were. Perhaps that feeling is just part of me now.
What I can say is that I’m making every effort to fight back. That’s got to be worth something – right? It’s also the only option.